Music has a unique power to move us in ways that words alone cannot. I love learning the stories behind the songs that I love. Maybe you like to hear song stories too? I don't think we'll be featured on VH1's Behind the Music anytime soon (do they even do that anymore?) So, after a hiatus from writing here, I want to tell you about our songs.
Each song from Refuge has a story behind it, and I want to share those stories with you here. Over the next weeks and months we want to share our hearts with you and more of our story too. I want to start with the experience of singing along with our congregation last weekend as another worship leader led one of our songs.
I sat listening with gratitude and awe as our worship song, Refuge, was being led by another worship leader in our congregation. As we sang together my thoughts traveled back to the first song I ever wrote when I was in the third grade, just like my daughter is now. With a blue marker on a white piece of paper I wrote a worship song. The words poured out of my heart easily and felt so natural. This was something I was meant to do!
During the following years of my childhood I imagined myself pursuing writing music, leading worship, writing books, and playing for many; all of the creative pursuits that came so naturally to me and brought deep joy to my heart. I didn't know as a child that the music industry as we knew it would collapse while I was in college thanks to a little program called Napster. I didn't know that I would struggle with health issues through the years and that I would face depression that was crippling at times. I didn't know God would call me as the director of worship for our church during a challenging season of change followed by a dark season of brokenness and loss. I didn't know that Jason and I's hopes and dreams for creative pursuits would be put on the shelf as we chose career paths with stability and financial security. I didn't know that our spirits would slowly shrivel as our bank account grew. I didn't know that God would call out the pain of my past to bring the healing I needed to take my dreams off the shelf. I didn't know that He would give me empathy for the brokenness in our world and in our hearts and that He would show me the blessings found in the brokenness when I stopped fighting for a more comfortable path.
And now I don't know what's coming next. I don't know who will hear our music or if it will go beyond our church community and friends. What I do know is that in all of these unknowns of my life God has always been faithfully leading, gently pursuing with His love and daring me to hope that there is joy to be found along the way. So now as I approach age 34 I am connecting with that 8 year old heart again. I'm writing the music that pours out of my heart and I'm daring to share it with anyone who wants to listen. Thanks for joining us on this journey. Can't wait to see what comes next.