I have had health problems for over a year now. I have seen improvement, but my symptoms are still present and I desire full healing. I feel like God has the healing I desire on pause and it makes it hard for me to trust Him. Does He really want to heal me? I know that He can, but He is choosing the timing and the methods. I want control, and that is evidence that I don't trust Him. Do I really believe He is working all things together for my good as He says He will in His word? I have good moments but I wish it was my default to trust Him in the pauses; to believe His timing is perfect because He has the full picture.
God has been using this hard of chronic illness to bring freedom to my soul. He has used it to free me from my perfectionism and performance driven religious mentality. He has gently pursued me with His lavish love. He has shown great kindness in His provision through friends and family. He is good, and His goodness has been most evident as I have walked through the darkest of days. I still long to be healed and restored. I long to be whole. I am learning that I can walk confidently through the hard with a knowledge that I am loved and kept, no matter what circumstances I face. Today is hard and He is good.
What are you walking through right now? Do you trust His goodness?